The Defibrillator Toaster
My mom would be so annoyed… every morning I would run into the kitchen screaming “WE’RE LOSING THEM!!! BEEP BEEP BEEPBEEPBEEP!”
“DON’T YOU DIE ON ME, DAMNIT!!! NURSE, WE NEED 12 CC’S OF CREAM CHEESE, STAT!!!”
He’s bread, Jim.
Time of deliciousness: 7:15 A.M
If we don’t restart his heart , he’s toast!
“Daddy’s in a butter place now, kids.”
I WASN’T EVEN GOING TO REBLOG UNTIL I SAW THE SHIT TON OF PUNS
HES BREAD JIM
To pay my respects, Ill be sure to place a flour on his grave.
That’s a Code Golden Brown
why he lick me
THIS IS SUPER COOL THOUGH IF YOU UNDERSTAND HORSES. LIKE THAT NIPPING IS A GROOMING BEHAVIOR HORSE’S DO TO BOND AND TO MAINTAIN AND IMPROVE SOCIAL BONDS. SO THAT HORSE IS BASICALLY TREATING THE CAT AS PART OF THE HERD AND SUSTAINING THE FRIENDLY BOND.
IT IS SAYING, “this tiny horse is very tiny but we are friends. Look at my tiny friend.”
I would like to join this herd.
category 5 kaiju
Look cat dammit I am trying to get shit done awwwwww shit you’re cute
There’s a post going around like What Was The No. 1 Song The Year You Were Born? or something like that, and it has this loooooong list of years with links so you can see your birth year. I don’t really care that much but I figured I’d look, and guess what? The list starts at 1985. A real Methuselah there. That was the funniest post I’ve seen today. Try 1968, motherfuckers, and I’m a baby. I can tell you what the hits were from ‘85 on, I was in college.
SOMEBODY, I’m not going to mention any names but they microwave tilapia in the break room, just muttered some shit under her breath in response to another coworker and I caught “that’s more than anybody around here does for ME”
Bitch, I will pull off my earrings and fuck you up right now. Half the fucking day I’m offering her idiot friends her voicemail or trying to decipher some stupid shit she’s said or written down.