these are days
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Let me tell you, I have seen some shit.

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Let me tell you, I have seen some shit.

apiratenhisprincess:

4ngelo:

theodorepython:

miami-tea:


The Defibrillator Toaster
My mom would be so annoyed… every morning I would run into the kitchen screaming “WE’RE LOSING THEM!!! BEEP BEEP BEEPBEEPBEEP!”
“DON’T YOU DIE ON ME, DAMNIT!!!  NURSE, WE NEED 12 CC’S OF CREAM CHEESE, STAT!!!”
He’s bread, Jim.
Time of deliciousness: 7:15 A.M
If we don’t restart his heart , he’s toast! 
JESUS CRUST.
JAM IT!
“Daddy’s in a butter place now, kids.”

I WASN’T EVEN GOING TO REBLOG UNTIL I SAW THE SHIT TON OF PUNS

HES BREAD JIM

JESUS CRUST

To pay my respects, Ill be sure to place a flour on his grave.

That’s a Code Golden Brown

apiratenhisprincess:

4ngelo:

theodorepython:

miami-tea:

The Defibrillator Toaster

My mom would be so annoyed… every morning I would run into the kitchen screaming “WE’RE LOSING THEM!!! BEEP BEEP BEEPBEEPBEEP!”

“DON’T YOU DIE ON ME, DAMNIT!!!  NURSE, WE NEED 12 CC’S OF CREAM CHEESE, STAT!!!”

He’s bread, Jim.

Time of deliciousness: 7:15 A.M

If we don’t restart his heart , he’s toast! 

JESUS CRUST.

JAM IT!

“Daddy’s in a butter place now, kids.”

I WASN’T EVEN GOING TO REBLOG UNTIL I SAW THE SHIT TON OF PUNS

HES BREAD JIM

JESUS CRUST

To pay my respects, Ill be sure to place a flour on his grave.

That’s a Code Golden Brown

*boop*
Science: It boops your brain.

*boop*

Science: It boops your brain.

Mom? We’ve gotta talk. No more peas.

Mom? We’ve gotta talk. No more peas.

It’s been a decent day so far so I don’t want to ruin the rest of it by being visible.

It’s been a decent day so far so I don’t want to ruin the rest of it by being visible.

tenfootpolesociety:

shavingryansprivates:

why he lick me

THIS IS SUPER COOL THOUGH IF YOU UNDERSTAND HORSES. LIKE THAT NIPPING IS A GROOMING BEHAVIOR HORSE’S DO TO BOND AND TO MAINTAIN AND IMPROVE SOCIAL BONDS. SO THAT HORSE IS BASICALLY TREATING THE CAT AS PART OF THE HERD AND SUSTAINING THE FRIENDLY BOND.

IT IS SAYING, “this tiny horse is very tiny but we are friends. Look at my tiny friend.”

I would like to join this herd.

Poop on ya if you didn’t watch the Monkees after school.

Poop on ya if you didn’t watch the Monkees after school.


category 5 kaiju
[video] [h/t: cineraria]

Look cat dammit I am trying to get shit done awwwwww shit you’re cute

[video] [h/t: cineraria]

Look cat dammit I am trying to get shit done awwwwww shit you’re cute

There’s a post going around like What Was The No. 1 Song The Year You Were Born? or something like that, and it has this loooooong list of years with links so you can see your birth year. I don’t really care that much but I figured I’d look, and guess what? The list starts at 1985. A real Methuselah there. That was the funniest post I’ve seen today. Try 1968, motherfuckers, and I’m a baby. I can tell you what the hits were from ‘85 on, I was in college.

Aargh.

3 more hours to 5 o’clock.

3 more hours to 5 o’clock.

(whispers) I think you are a superhero.
Anonymous

Best anon EVER.

This man speaks for all of us.

This man speaks for all of us.

SOMEBODY, I’m not going to mention any names but they microwave tilapia in the break room, just muttered some shit under her breath in response to another coworker and I caught “that’s more than anybody around here does for ME”
Bitch, I will pull off my earrings and fuck you up right now. Half the fucking day I’m offering her idiot friends her voicemail or trying to decipher some stupid shit she’s said or written down. 
It’s on.

SOMEBODY, I’m not going to mention any names but they microwave tilapia in the break room, just muttered some shit under her breath in response to another coworker and I caught “that’s more than anybody around here does for ME”

Bitch, I will pull off my earrings and fuck you up right now. Half the fucking day I’m offering her idiot friends her voicemail or trying to decipher some stupid shit she’s said or written down. 

It’s on.

All my stories start this way.

All my stories start this way.

FFFFFUUUUUUUU  - Rage Face Comics